The History of the Western Wedding
When most Western people think of a wedding, they likely think of the religious ceremony based on centuries of Christian tradition: a bride escorted down the aisle by her father to a groom and clergyman waiting at the altar. Where did this tradition come from though? Do couples today know the history of the ceremonies they are performing?
Roman betrothals and weddings
Interestingly, “most Christian marriage customs and ceremony, ring, wreath, veil, and even the religious ceremony itself – for which there is no demonstrable precedent in ancient Jewish law and custom – have come to us from heathen Rome, having been adopted and adapted by the Christian church” (Thatcher 80). 
In ancient Greece, fathers possessed their daughters until they married and came under the possession of their husbands. “Remnants of this idea still exist in the Western marriage ceremony when the minister asks, ‘Who gives this woman?’ and the bride’s father responds, ‘I do.’ A marriageable woman was a human commodity, to be transferred from her father’s home to her husband’s, where she assumed the latter’s name and was subject to his control” (Yalom 43). In the Roman world, though, the idea that the bride’s consent was also required began to take hold, and women moved toward becoming more than bartering objects with no say in the matter.
Before some Roman marriages would be the betrothal, an event that took place at the bride’s father’s home. The couple signed the contract which detailed the financial exchanges of the upcoming marriage in front of several witnesses. “Wedding presents belonged to this earlier ceremony which would also include a kiss, the placing of an iron ring on the bride’s finger, and the joining of hands” (Thatcher 133). In addition, Romans ratified marriage contracts with religious ceremonies which included a cake (Thatcher 132).
Roman weddings were usually held in the last half of the month of June, after the temple of Vesta, goddess of the hearth, had an annual cleaning (Yalom 28). The bride “wore a full-length white tunic woven from a single piece of cloth, and tied with a belt with a complicated knot that only the husband was supposed to untie” (Yalom 28). The wedding was at the bride’s house with family and friends as witnesses. A priest or family friend would preside over the ceremony, the matron of honor would join the couple’s right hands, and the couple would kiss to seal the marriage contract (Yalom 29). After a wedding banquet, the bride would make her way to her husband’s house in a public procession. She would wear a veil, crowned with a floral wreath (Thatcher 133).
Early Christian marriages
In the early centuries of Christianity which overlapped the Roman period, the custom continued of having two ceremonies – a betrothal and a wedding – with both taking place in the home. However, as the Catholic Church grew stronger, it began to seek more control and insisted that marriages be performed in church (Thatcher 152). Instead of leaving marriage customs to the discretion of local communities, the Church wished to take this kind of power away from the secular authorities and establish a “uniform ecclesiastical marriage law” (Thatcher 162).
While the Catholic Church struggled to encourage couples to solemnize their union and not simply marry without the Church’s blessing, it was actually the Protestant Reformation which brought about the end of betrothal. Inspired by Martin Luther’s frowning upon secret marriages, Lutherans replaced the period of betrothal with engagement. Couples had to receive the permission of their parents before getting married, making marriage a public affair that could be monitored by religious authorities (Thatcher 186).
In reaction, the Catholic Church passed a decree at the Council of Trent in 1563 that said that a marriage was a sacrament that must be presided over by a parish priest who will hear the couple’s mutual consent and pronounce them married (Thatcher 189). “For the first time in the Catholic tradition, the consent of two parties who are free to marry is no longer enough. They must be married in church, and blessed by a priest in accordance with a required form” (Thatcher 190). Thus began the standardization of Christian marriage customs under the Church’s authority and supervision.
These changes resulted in the eventual combining of betrothal and marriage ceremonies to the point that the former is almost completely lost in the West. The only remnant of the old betrothal ceremonies lies in the vows that some people still use today (Thatcher 164):
“Will you take this person to be your wife/husband? I will.”
This is in the future tense and would have been spoken at a betrothal ceremony.
“Do you take this person to be your wife/husband? I do.”
This is in the present tense and would have been spoken at the marriage ceremony months or even years later.
Sources
Thatcher, Adrian. Living Together and Christian Ethics. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 2002.
Yalom, Marilyn. A History of the Wife. New York: HarperCollins, 2001.
