FAQ

 

 

Why was FeministWedding.com created?

Hi, and welcome to FeministWedding.com. My name is Casey and I created this site because I discovered that there was no central place on the internet for me to discuss various aspects of the traditional "white weddings" I was attending. As a feminist, I wanted to know how other women have subverted patriarchal traditions in their weddings and where those traditions came from in the first place. I also wanted a site where I could point my non-feminist friends to in order to show them some of what I envisioned for a feminist wedding. I built this site with the help of a template and update it myself, so it is not super high-tech but it gets the job done.

How do I get started on the Forum?

Don't be intimidated! Forums are just an organized way for people to chat online. All you have to do is register with a username - it can be simple (jennifer) or complex (femgirl09) - and password, then read the welcome post on the Forum for instructions on how to start posting.

Why does this site focus so much on the traditional "white wedding"?

A quick look at Wikipedia's wedding page shows that there is a variety of ways people from around the world perform weddings. This site addresses the traditional "white wedding" because so many Western ceremonies are based on it at least in some degree, and because these types of weddings are the ones that I am most familiar with. See the Wikipedia white wedding page for more information and history on this specific style of wedding. I am certainly open to expanding the site if others have content they would like to offer on other types of weddings.

What's the definition of a feminist, anyway?

A basic definition of a feminist is someone who believes in the political, economic, and social equality between the sexes. In other words, women and men should be regarded as equal human beings, not with one considered inferior to the other.

How about a wedding?

A wedding is a ceremony or celebration that joins two people in marriage. It is usually a social event with family and friends present to witness the couple's exchanging of vows. It can be religious or not, formal or informal, outdoors or indoors, etc. It may also include a reception party after the ceremony.

Isn't a wedding a private affair up to the couple's discretion?

Unless a couple chooses not to have a public ceremony, their affair will be influenced by centuries of tradition and societal/media images of how weddings are performed. One of the main feminist mottos is "the personal is political," meaning that what you do in your personal life has importance in the political sphere, even if women are not encouraged to be active politically. When woman after woman "chooses" to have a traditional wedding and, knowingly or unknowingly, repeats patriarchal traditions, this behavior sends signals to the people attending and to society as a whole. What is the 10-year-old girl learning when she attends a wedding? That the day is about how beautiful the bride is and how she gets the privilege of losing her last name?

Wasn't feminism concerned with giving women the choice to do what
         they want?

"Choice feminism" has had many problems since its inception, including its being taken to mean that whatever choice a woman makes is a "feminist" choice. This thinking neglects consideration of the heavy pressure that culture and patriarchy put on women to make them think they are making a choice, when really they face great opposition if they try to make a different choice. Why do the majority of women who "choose" to take their's husband's last name have such an easy time, while those who "choose" to refuse face such opposition from family and society?

If marriage/weddings are such patriarchal institutions, why should         women bother to get married at all?

This question has been debated by many women, especially in the last few decades since second-wave feminism. Many couples are now living together unmarried, especially in European countries, with less stigma than there was in the earlier part of the 20th century. But older generations of parents still encourage their children to get married for legitimacy and respect, especially once babies are born. Despite its patriarchal history, marriage is a long-standing institution and still considered a milestone in people's lives, even for feminists.

 

 

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